There are many things in life I have always wanted to do. If you think back to when we were growing up, we were always talking about what we wanted to do for a living when we grew up. We also spent a lot of time talking about all the cool things we were going to do.
    I can remember dreaming about being a firefighter. I knew I wanted to help people, and the thought of fighting fires was always an alluring one to me.  I wanted to be in the military as well. My grandfather had been a Marine, and I thought the prospect of traveling the world was an exciting one.
    As it happens, time has a way of getting away from us. Between changes in our situations, and decisions we make, we sometimes lose sight of our hopes and dreams.
    I find myself thinking back to simpler times this morning. Times when everything and anything seemed possible. I grow saddened as I flip through the notebook of prior hopes and dreams that I keep locked away within my brain. This is a very special notebook that you have to view through an amazing pair of rose colored glasses, but I lost the glasses somewhere along my journey. I am still looking for them.
    I love this notebook. I used to spend hours filling it with the images in my head. Everyday held an opportunity to fill it with newer and more exciting ideas.  Take page 44 for example. I wanted to be in a band, be famous, and travel the world. I remember the exact day when I moved on to another page. It was around my fourth birthday, and my grandmother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.
    “I wanna be in a band gramma. I can make music, go on trips all over, and make lots of money.” I said with a big smile on my face, while actually seeing images in my head of being on a stage somewhere with thousands of people cheering for me and my bandmates. It looked a lot like those music videos my aunt used to watch on Mtv back in the early eighties.
    I remember the smile that came upon my grandmothers face at that moment. I was prepared to hear what most other grownups said. Something to the effect of, you can do whatever you put your mind to. Instead, the words of wisdom given to me that day were, “Well forget it, because that is never going to happen.” Wow, thanks grams. I blacked that page out of my notebook and proceeded on.
    Over time, but primarily around my teen years, I started writing less and less in it. I started trading in my dreams for more, instantly gratifying things. Eventually my notebook lay forgotten in my mind, collecting dust, as I took another dose of lsd, or smoked another rock of meth.
    Oh, I would still pull it out sometimes, in the early morning hours after days of partying. But the things written then, were with a shaky hand and diluted mind.
    As time went on, the world continued to turn, and life continued to happen. Until one day I found myself with no wife, no real home, and two children. I jumped up and ran to the recesses of my mind to find the long lost notebook. Where the hell was this page?! I certainly don’t remember writing it! I found the page with my two children, that one I remember, but when did I pen in these other horrors? Ah… I think I found it on page 2,453. I wanted to travel… being homeless is not what I meant. Here’s another on page 2,951. I wanted to be in good shape, yet again… having no car and having to walk everywhere is not what I had in mind.
    Well, as it has a way of doing, time has continued to move on, and the world continues to turn. But sitting here with my kids and this ratty old notebook in my lap, and a pen in my hand, I open to page 9,356 and start to write. I forgot to mention, I remember what I did with those glasses… I gave them to my children on the day they were born. Along with a notebook of their own.
    Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you have enjoyed it. Have a wonderful day. 🙂