This is a long one. And deals with some sexual content, but the lesson is not about sex. It is about moral values and being true to yourself. I have avoided getting too vulger, and tried to keep it pg13. If this type of subject matter offends you, leave now. But if you can read thru the whole thing, I think you will like the lesson that is taught and I think I managed to do do in a slightly humorous way.

    So, I’m sleeping peacefully in the wee hours this morning, when a knock comes upon my window. I sit up thinking I might simply have woken myself up from a dream, when the knock comes again. I utter a couple of choice cuss words and rise to see who the heck it is. I open the door and realize my vision is still blurry from just having been woken up. I notice the silhouette standing there. It looks vaguely familiar, but I can’t believe it is who I think it is.  I try to focus my eyes. “No way in hell can that be her.” I think to myself.
    “Hey, you don’t have a girl in there do you?” she asks, as she steps into the light and I see her red hair and porcelin face.
    It’s her… Damn.  We broke up over a year ago because she always started arguments when my kids were with me and constantly threatened me with the fact that she had never remained faithful in a relationship. Eventually, I sent her packing.
    Don’t get me wrong… She wasn’t a bad person. In fact, she had a very kind heart. I remember in high school, she’d always defend bullied kids, and even hang out with them. Even though she was “popular” and almost every guy in the school wanted her. That is a rarity you just don’t see often. But her lack of understanding that my children’s needs were always going to come before hers was too much.
    I tried to be nice, because there is no reason to be rude or hurtful. “Not that it matters, but no.”
    “Are you with anyone?”
    “No.”
    “Good. I miss you.” She leans in to hug me, and I do accept the hug. I pat her on the back and ruffle her hair. “You changed your number. I tried to call you, but you changed it.” she said with a sad voice.
    I could smell the booze on her breath. It wasn’t too strong, but it was there. I didn’t want to be having this conversation. What I wanted was to be back in my warm bed instead of freezing cold, sockless, and standing on the concrete taking to a drunk ex girlfriend. 
    “Yes, I did change my number.” I said. She had heard that my youngest son had been hit by a car and wanted to make sure he was ok. I assured her that everything was fine, and told her I needed to get back to sleep. Thankfully she lives down the street so I didn’t feel the need to make sure she made it home safe. I might not like her much, but I would not have been able to let her try to get home if there was a chance she might get hurt along the way.
    So I return to the warmth of my bed and realize that it’s no longer warm. “Dammit. Well, at least she has gone home.” I think to myself as I drift back of to sleep… I should have known better. I awake 30 minutes later to more knocking on my window. “Really?” I ask out loud. Did I forget to mention that my kids are with me at the moment? My youngest is sound asleep, but my teen is still up playing video games, because he had no school this Monday. As I get out of bed, he laughs at me and goes back to his game. Why did I have to raise such a smartass? I have no one to blame but myself for that one. I shot him a scowl and mutter a quiet, “shut up” as I stalk past him and head for the door.
    I open the door and she is already on the top step. I give her an annoyed look. I’m irritated at being disturbed for the second time this morning. But my kids are here, and old habits die hard. She’s always had this issue, I don’t know why I’d expect her to be any different now… especially since she has been drinking.
    “I want to know.” She says with downcast eyes.
    “Want to know what?” I ask. I honestly have no clue as to what she wants. I am still half asleep, and have also never been a mind reader. Add to that the fact that I am so socially awkward when it comes to women, and I am completely lost. We went about 3 rounds of repeating this stupid question session before she stepped in the door and tried to kiss me.
    As it happens with kisses, I was taken aback, and not completely able to resist. I would love to act like I’m perfect and say I pushed her away in horror, but I don’t like to lie. My mind started racing. I have been alone since we broke up, and I think part of it had to do with the constant battles with loneliness I find myself fighting. Couple that with low feelings of self worth, and I was at a loss to do anything but kiss back. I will leave out exact details, but suffice it to say, hands started wandering, and her shirt started to come off.
    I was awash in a tornado of excitement and lust. My brain was at odds with my body. My body had decided that, despite the fact that my brain knew this was wrong, we were going to have a very interesting morning. My brain on the other hand, was of the belief that this should not be happening. The argument within my head went something like this.

    Brain (Br), “What are you doing young man? You know this is wrong.”
  Body (Bd), “What do you mean it’s wrong you idiot? It’s just a kiss.”
    Br, “You know that this isn’t going to end in  just a kiss!”
  Bd, “I know!!! *excited giggle* This is totally friggin awesome!”
    Br, “This is not awesome! She is not all there right now. And besides, if you do this, she’s going to want to get back together.”
  Bd, “Damn, you’re right. Hang on, I’ll be right back.” 
    I took a break from kissing her to tell her, “You know, if this happens it doesn’t mean that we’re together again right?”
    “I know, and I’m ok with that.” She responded with a voice full of lust, and pressed her lips back to mine.
    Br, “WTF was that?!”
  Bd, “That was me taking care of business. You think you’re the only one that knows how to get things done?”
    This is when hands started searching and exploring long forgotten territory.
    Br, “Think about what you’re doing man!! You don’t need this! You are better than taking advantage of a drunk girl who might or might not still have feelings for you! She says she’s ok with it now, but what about tomorrow?!”
  Bd, “You really are an idiot! You know that? Eff tomorrow, tonight I’m getting mine!”  Her shirt started coming off as we slowly sank to the floor.
    Br, “Get your hands off of those!! Whatever happened to your morals?! What ever happened to not understanding casual sex, and seeing no point in it?”
  Bd, “I have never had that.problem, that’s your issue. Now shut up!! You’re distracting me!” I envision that my body punched my brain in the face at this point.
    Br, “That was a mistake, my idiot friend. I didn’t want to do this, but you have left me no choice.”  My brain was unsuccessful in making my body “stand down”, so he tripped him and kicked him in the teeth. With him out cold, he took over.

    I stopped what I was doing, and backed off. I reached out and pulled her shirt down to cover her again as I helped her stand up. She was looking up at me with a look of confusion. “What happened?” she asked as she started to realize that I was not going to ravish her.
    “This is not going to happen.” I responded while wrapping my arms around her in a friendly embrace. “You are sweet person, and have a great heart, and I’m not going to do this to you. You say you’re ok with it, but you’ve been drinking. We just don’t work well together, remember? We figured this out over a year ago.”
    A devilish smile washed over her face as she said, “And how much have you had to drink tonight?” while reaching for my nether regions.
    “I haven’t. I don’t drink anymore.” I responded flatly.
    “Really?!  Like not even a little? Why did you stop?”
    I lowered my eyes to the floor. I still consider her a friend, so I couldn’t lie, as much as I wanted to not tell the truth. “I almost killed myself awhile ago. I came closer than I’ve ever come before, and to tell you the truth… It scared me. If it hadn’t been for a call coming in at the moment it did… I would not be here talking to you.”
    She lifted my face to look into my eyes. “Why?” She looked wounded.
    “That is none of your concern. Don’t worry, I’m fine.” And with that I was walking to the front door to see her out. Taking my hint, she followed suit. “I need you to do something for me,” I told her, “you need to go home, and get some sleep. You will feel better in the morning.”

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