Thank you for joining me today. I would like to share with you, the recipe for a dish that I have been served a few times in my life. It is not a particularly good dish, and usually the chef enjoys making it more than the recipient enjoys eating it. This dish is called Heart Flambe A La Mode.
    First you must choose the heart you’re going to use. Hearts are easy to find, but choosing a good one can be difficult. Don’t worry… with enough experience, you will find it becomes easier.
    Usually hearts are pretty well protected, so you must get close to it to find out if it’s ripe for picking. Soft words and seemingly kind actions help you get close enough to see. The most flavorful hearts are the ones that require no extensive work to get to. When you start to notice that the owner of the heart smiles whenever you are around, and always has kind words for you… The time is right for harvesting.
    The next step is not for the shy. You must get close to the owner. Place your hand upon their chest gently. If they pull away, it is not time for harvesting. But if they offer no resistance, that is the signal that you may have the heart. At this point it is fairly easy to puncture the thorasic cavity and place your hand upon the heart. At this point you must caress and massage the heart. Lovingly continue until the owner sighs with pleasure. You should see a spark in their eyes. This spark imbues the heart with ultimate flavor.
    Now is the time to tighten your grip, and rip it out of it’s cavity. Watch the eyes as you perform this step. If the spark intensifies, you have done it successfully. Now you have the main ingredient, and they don’t even realize it. Congratulations, but you are not finished.
    Now you must return to the kitchen. Now grab your meat tenderizer. You need to make sure the heart is very tender. It can get a bit messy, so be sure to wear protective gear. You will need to smash it almost flat. Beware that even if not around, sometimes the owner can feel this. Sometimes they will come looking for you. So hurry and finish, so you may serve them when they get there.
    After you have the heart reasonably flattened, throw it into the pan and turn the heat all the way up. Cover it in cinnamon and prepare for flambe.
    Choice of alcohol varies by chef, but anything flammable will suffice. As you throw in into the pan, be sure to keep yourself back. You wouldn’t want to lose eyebrows. The flames will caramelize the cinnamon, encasing it in a hard shell.
    Now pull it out of the pan and place it on the plate. You may wish to add a little garnish. Now you need to add the vanilla ice creme. One scoop placed directly on top of the heart. This will ensure that the heat is taken away to be replaced with freezing temperatures that help further harden the caramelized encasement.
    Place the dish on the table and cover it until the owner arrives, it won’t be long now. As they show up, lead them to the table, seat them, and tell them you have a yummy dish you have made them. Be sure to watch their reaction as they lift the cover. If they cry or collapse, you have done well. Before you leave them laying there, be sure to watch the spark leave their eyes. If you are careful, you can catch it as it leaves. Then you can be sure that it will never return to the eyes of the owner.
    Congratulations!! You have just created Heart Flambe A La Mode! Great job! Now if you will kindly excuse me… I have a plate of food to get rid of, because frankly, I’m tired of this dish.