July 2012

Standing there under the water,
my body feels light and tall.
This is the place I come to think,
where I feel I can do it all.
The water washes away,
the grime of a long hard day.
I hear the music in the droplets,
and my body starts to sway.
I come out of my body,
and fall through the floor.
This isn’t just water,
it’s a dimensional door.
A doorway to peace,
and faraway lands.
A place where I build things,
with these two tired hands.
A place where I’m happy,
just being me.
A place where finally,
I see the beauty in me.
I turn off the faucet,
and lay down in bed.
It was only a shower,
But I saw a waterfall in my head.

I just had to write a quick piece about my new toy.  I have had so much trouble over the past eight months writing posts strictly on my phone.  Yes… you heard correctly.  Everything you have read of mine has been written and posted from my phone… until now.

I finally broke down and bought a cheap laptop, and my awesome neighbor, who I’ve known since he was like seven years old, offered to let me use his wifi.  So I should be able to write more often, and post as well.  I am so happy right now.

Ok, I’m done writing useless nonsense… I’ll come up with some good stuff later… I have to take some time to play with my new toy for now.  🙂

    My eyes turn inward, as I try to figure out the cause of the rage building up inside of me.  Things finally seem to be taking a turn for the better in my life, and yet, I feel the demon within, trying to claw his way out. Do I embrace it, or fight?
    This isn’t the typical, angel on one shoulder, devil on the other situation. This is something in my brain that apparently doesn’t want me happy. But its not the same as the one who devoured me as I fell into a world of drugs and violence as a teen. This one is a lot more cunning. It probably ranks quite high in the pantheon of darkness.
    It shows me images of death and destruction. My body in flames, as my skin melts, like a wax effigy set ablaze. My traitorous legs carry my body up the stairs to the gallows of my mind. The rope eyes me with lust as it fantasizes about groping my neck. I see my own eyes starting back at me from behind the axeman’s hood.
    I thought I had gotten rid of this demon, but I was wrong. Like a skilled soldier, it dropped back and hid from view. I told it to leave, I begged it to go, I commanded. Then came the bloodletting. It didn’t work. They say when you try to kill a man, you better make sure he’s all the way dead… It’s even more important with a demon. They come back stronger, more full of hate, and with more vengeance than you could imagine.  I hear its voice taunting me. Telling me to give up, calling me worthless. I try to drown it out, but it does no good. Have you ever tried to silence your own thoughts? There is only one way I know how… But I can’t allow that. If I do… It wins.
    I won’t promise that I can defeat it, but I will promise to fight with everything I have. I have nothing to lose by trying, and everything to lose by failure. And I don’t want to fail!!

I blow my brains upon this page,
so you may see my hidden rage.
Trying to keep the demon,
locked within his cage.

He screams and yells within my brain,
tearing holes and causing pain.
All of his horrendous howls,
are driving me insane.

So I grab a noun, a verb, and pray,
that this horror ends today.
He grabs a pen and starts to write,
everything I say.

Don’t cry for me when I am gone,
this feels so right it can’t be wrong,
You’re too late to stop me,
I’m already gone.

A verb slices my wrist and the nouns start to flow,
along with some adjectives, as I start to go.
I close my eyes and drift away,
hope you all enjoyed the show.