September 2012


  It’s been awhile since I wrote. I gather many people didn’t like my borg post. That’s fine… it made me laugh.
  Well, I’m still going to the gym, and have been keeping my time at 91 minutes. Although, on Monday, I set out to do more. I ended up doing 3 sessions. 45 minutes, followed by 91 minutes, followed by 60 minutes. These were separated only by bathroom and stretch breaks. In that time, i managed to rack up 60 miles on the recumbent bike.
  I was pretty sore afterward, but i figured I’d be more sore the next day. Yesterday I was a bit sore but still managed to put in 26 miles. Today I only did 16, as I feel I need to slow down a bit for a moment. I can already feel the effects of overtraining on my brain. I have been a bit irritable. So I am taking tomorrow off. I think my body will thank me. Lol
  I have hit a plateau in weight loss, although it’s only been a few days, and I don’t like the word plateau. I think it becomes a plateau after a couple weeks. People have been noticing my weight loss, and have commented as well. I think my body is basically just reorganizing itself. My shirts are fitting better as well as my pants and belt.
  Well I guess that’s all for now. Hope I’m not boring you all to death. Have a great day everyone. 🙂

  *robot sounds*
::reading fault codes:: 
weightloss/run
Musclerepair/run
::prime directive–move forward–do not stop::
::battery power–100%::

  My robotic systems have taken over. I am a living, breathing cyborg. (ok, not really… But for the sake of this post, I am.) Lol
  My prime directive for the gym this morning was to step it up a notch. I left for the gym early. I arrived at 5:15, and proceeded to set up my workout:
Start pedaling, to turn on recumbent bike.
Program? Random hill.
Weight?   I punched it in. (not telling. Lol)
Level?  11
Time? 90 minutes.
  I figured I should drop the level by one if i was going to add another 50 percent of time to my workout. Around the first big hill i started regretting it… It was still really tough… And by adding 30 minutes, I had to spend more time on each section. Lol. I started thinking that I should have put the level lower.
  Fatboy has been quiet the past few days. He doesn’t complain so much, and he’s starting to sound sick. I think Fatboy is dying. But, coming in hot on his coattails is Borgboy.
  Borgboy is like Steve Austin on roids. Healthboy was huffing and puffing, and slowing down when Borgboy came into play. The rpms shot upward of 90 from a measly 50 and my legs, while still burning, just went with it.
  “Your life as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service us. I am the beginning, the end, the one who is many.” Was it’s only statement.
  I am being assimilated… And I don’t mind. It is my strength when I am weak. My energy when I have none. Part man, part machine… I will not stop.
  (I am not a trekkie. I did think this was a good analogy however. I am also not schizophrenic. This is just how I process my thoughts. I gather, that as writers, we think differently. We have the ability to put into words, what others can’t. This has always been my thing, and it comes very easy and naturally to me… Unlike math. Although, I realize that just maybe… It’s the Borg collective that processes my thoughts. Lol) 😉
  Have a good day everyone. Thanks for reading. 🙂

image

  I had decided to take the day off from the gym today, but changed my mind when I woke up. It was a beautiful, dark morning. The birds weren’t even awake yet. The great thing about the gym on Saturdays is that they don’t open until six a.m… So I get to sleep in a bit. I arrived about 10 minutes before they opened and was standing outside with some other early morning health freaks. Here we all were standing there, anticipating our early morning workout at 5:50a.m. on a Saturday, while many people were at home in their cozy beds. You could feel the energy emanating from the group. It was fantastic.
  I have always found something invigorating about working out when it’s usually time to be asleep. When I first started working out originally in 2006, I would rise at four a.m. because I was embarrassed about how I looked, and didn’t want others seeing me. After awhile I started to enjoy the solitude and feeling of doing something healthy at an hour where even most healthy people aren’t awake. In fact, I started to feel a bit smug. Not that I would brag about it, but internally I was getting a bit cocky.
  After a time, I started having to close where I worked, and getting home around 11p.m. was just not going to work for a four a.m. wake up plan. So I started running around 11ish when i got home. I am sitting here this morning, recollecting a specific run of mine late one night.
  It was 11:30p.m. on May 16, 2006. My father had succumbed to terminal brain cancer in February. I was still grieving. I had wanted him to live… Obviously. I thought about him often, as I still do. This was the eve of my birthday. In 45 minutes, I would be 26.
  I stepped out into the crisp evening air. I was exited about my birthday. It’s the one day a year, where it’s all about me. A few cars passed on the lonely, dark streets I was running, but not many.
I checked my watch. 11:40. Only 20 minutes I thought to myself with a smile. I pushed a little harder.
  Watch check, 11:43.  A dog was barking in the distance. And the house I was passing had someone in the kitchen window, doing dishes. She looked up and smiled. I smiled back.
  Watch check, 11:45. “Jeeze,” I thought, “I have too stop checking my watch.”  I saw a homeless man sleeping in the park I was now passing. I rounded the corner to home and was on the final stretch towards home. This was the point where I would usually sprint, and then take a small five minute walk up the street and back for a cool down.
  Watch check, 12:06… I stopped dead in my tracks. It was my birthday. 26 years ago today, my father held me in his arms for the first time. He stopped partying, stopped drugs, and started working harder because of me. It was my birthday. 26 years ago today, I opened my eyes to see my biggest hero in my entire life.
  Standing there in the middle of the road, I realized that it was my birthday. No bells or chimes went off. The stars didn’t magically spell my name. The world was asleep around me. Nothing had changed. Everything was just as it had been five minutes before. I was finishing a run, my wife and kids were still asleep, my father was still dead, and I was still greaving. I sat down upon the curb and covered my face as I broke into tears. The cold concrete soothed my overheated body as I lay back and stared skyward through tear stained eyes. It was my birthday, and today would be the first one that my father didn’t call and sing me happy birthday.
  I finished my crybaby session, and slowly jogged up the street. I went inside and quietly got undressed for a shower. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I realized something. My father wasn’t gone. He was in the mirror staring back at me. He was in my face, my hands, my heart and soul. He would always be with me… even if he couldn’t call and sing to me on my birthday.
  A tear fell from my eye as I stepped into the shower smiling… It was my birthday.

R.I.P.  Harold Wayne “Behr” Rupe
   Taken too soon, I love you poppa bear.

image

  So, I awoke early this morning. My alarm went off, and I didn’t hit the snooze button. And instead of dragging ass getting ready, I was ready real quick. The side of my brain I refer to as Fatboy, was still asleep.
  “Bwahaha. I whisper/think to myself. Finally a quiet morning without him bitching about the gym.” So… Off to the gym I went.
  The same guy works the counter Monday through Friday. We always have a quick chat in the morning when I arrive.
  “Woah… You’re here early today.” He says with a smile on his face. I’m starting to think that people really enjoy seeing heavy people make a commitment to health, and stick with it. We have discussed the Fatboy and Healthboy sides of my brain.
  “Shhh.” I whisper, “Fatboy’s still asleep. I’m trying to get done before he wakes up.” I responded. He laughed his ass off and told me to have a good workout.
  Remember the morning I overslept and punished Fatboy, by going out harder and a bit longer than usual? I can’t remember if I posted about that. Well… Do you also remember that I am admittedly a bit of a masochist? Well, instead of having to punish Fatboy this morning… I got to reward Healthboy by raising the resistance level on the recumbent bike. I still only did an hour, but at level 12 instead of 11.
  Some people might call this a no win situation, because no matter what… I go harder. But, you know what they say. Different strokes for different folks. Lol
  So I’m riding along at a good clip, on hills of course, and I’m thinking, “Wow! This is really nice. Listening to some Dub Step, and Fatboy is still asleep.” I smiled inwardly, as I was feeling a bit smug about putting one over on that tubby fool. I had just started up the first big hill, and my legs were hurting as well as my lungs burning. Perspiration was starting to drip down like I was a competitive athlete. My heart was doing laps in a friggin Ferrari. I was feeling great…
  “What the hell is going on? Something’s wrong!! I think I might be dying!” Cried Fatboy as he started to wake up. He finally opened his eyes, “SONOFABITCH!!!” He screamed at me. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WE’RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE YET!!”
  “Hey… Look at it this way Fatty… We’re already halfway done.” I retorted, laughing hysterically. (I should point out that normally I’m only laughing on the inside, but today, I literally burst out laughing.” People must wonder what is wrong with me sometimes. 😉
  “Stop laughing at me.” He continued to cry. “I’m just asking for a little slack.”
  “You’ve had slack… That’s how you got fat. I’m trying to help you. If only you could get it through your thick, Taurus skull.  Look… You didn’t even wake up until we were 10 miles in. That wouldn’t have happened two weeks ago.”
  “I don’t care! That was a dirty trick. Don’t do it again! And on another note… I’m sick off veggies. Can i just have a damned burger?”
  “NO!! You just don’t get it do you?! You are going to die young if you continue this. Now shut up and let’s finish.”
  “But…”
  I mentally put him in a choke hold until he passed back out. I finished my workout, changed, and went to the store. I got more veggies, yogurt, and some gluten free crackers that I like. Fatboy might get a treat on the weekend… If he keeps quiet tomorrow at the gym.
  My workout was finished before the sun even poked his head over the horizon. My face is a bit thinner, but I’m not ready to post another pic of myself just yet. My weight is the same, but i can see the start of my body transformation. I think this just might be a good day. Have a great day everyone. 🙂

image

  So… My left quadriceps has been hurting a bit. Not a strained or pulled muscle kind of feel, but a burning sensation. Kind of like what my right leg had as I was rehabbing my broken leg. It feels like working a muscle that has been atrophied. Unfortunately, that feels like someone has placed a hot coal deep inside the muscle.
  I put in 20 miles on the recumbent bike on level 11 yesterday, and my leg was hurting pretty good by bedtime. I had decided that I would take this morning off. But when i awoke at 5:30 (yes… I got to sleep in. Lol) the drunk uncle that i take care of, was already drunk, and still awake. I don’t like him when he’s drunk. I have no problem with people drinking, but 5:30 a.m.?! Seriously bro?!  So, off to the gym I went.
  Sometimes I wonder what the hell happened. How did I end up divorced, fat, and taking care of a family member that no one else seems to care about? Sometimes I feel good, sometimes not. Sometimes I’m just numb. But… Going to the gym and busting my ass makes me feel better.
  The weight isn’t coming off as quickly as I want, but it will. I’ve determined that even if I’m poor, I can at least look good. Lol. And my calves are starting to get some definition again. I just need the rest of my body to catch up. Lol
  Sitting on the bike this morning watching the sun come up, I came to the conclusion that I have no one to blame but myself. I’m the one who got married young, I’m the one who chose to stay and take care of family when everyone else wrote him off, and I’m the one who got soft and stopped working out. So, I’m the one who has to claw his way out of this hole. My strength may wane, and I may lose some nails while clawing my way up these walls… but I’m not going to quit!
  I once read a quote by the father of one of my heros. (Dean Karnazes) “It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up.” I know it’s a popular quote, and many people are attributed with saying it. This quote holds a lot of meaning to me. I have been knocked down a crapload of times. And sometimes I lay there for awhile… But I always manage to rise again. Sometimes it feels like I won’t make it, but I’m determined to do so.
  I have to get moving. No rest for the wicked, and all that. Have a good day everyone. 🙂

Smoke filled the air,
it was hard to breathe.
How many people,
just wanted to leave?
Stairwells collapsed,
panic in the air.
Reaching into the haze,
they found a hand there.
A glimmer of hope,
in a war torn scene.
Wishing and praying,
it was all a dream.
I stared at the telly,
drowning in tears.
My wife’s side of the family,
had lived there for years.
No way to get there,
no calls going through.
At a complete loss,
nothing to do.
I think of the heros,
that saved lives that day.
And wish to thank them,
in my own special way.
I still grieve,
for the ones who were left.
I know in my heart,
everyone tried their best.
To the families torn apart,
as a result of this mess.
You will see them again,
When you lay down to rest.

As i get older, stuff like this affects me more. I didn’t lose anyone on that fateful day, my losses came in the war afterword. I was watching the news this morning, and almost completely broke down. Why there is so much senseless death and violence, i will never understand.
If i were to die today, I would want you all to know how much it means to me that my words are read. Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond to my writes… But for now, maybe you should go tell someone you love just how much they mean to you. There isn’t always a tomorrow. Love you guys. *hugs*