October 2012


Hey everyone,
  I was shown a website called Soundcloud recently and while I’m hinge sick today i had some time to check it out. I wrote a piece specifically for it. Let me know if i should do some more. 🙂

htshttp://soundcloud.com/grinningbear/paper

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Here I come, back out the gate.
I’m fueled by rage, and fueled by hate.
I told you not to fuck with me, but did you listen?
Maybe you didn’t hear the words that I was spittin.
Got me all twisted, like a pretzel from the state fair.
Then I realize that you really didn’t care.
I was nothing but a fling in the sheets,
just got worked like a poor kid from the streets.
Took a chance on love, and look what I got,
A broke ass hand, and my ego is shot.
That’s okay, go about your day,
Reality will set in, and the piper you will pay.
You’ll be coming back, begging forgiveness,
Just shut your mouth, and get up on this.
Ride it like you’re in the rodeo,
once I’m done, I got to go.
I can’t stick around to be used,
Can’t really do much, with my pride this bruised.
I can walk away and not look back,
and try to stop my heart from turning black.
Find another lady, with her feet on the ground,
Things will be better, next time around.

** Sorry… Had to rant a little. Too much venom kept inside, slowly poisons us.

  Hello everyone. I hope this finds you all well. Although, “well” is relative. For some, “well” might be raking in tons of money, for others, it might simply be waking up to see another day.
  My girl has decided to get back with an ex, and broke it off with me via text. I guess it could have been worse. She could have emailed me, or just disappeared. I have to admit… While I am quite hurt… I respect her honesty and straight shooting.
  I can sit here and piss and moan about my broken heart… But a wonderful friend of mine asked me a very poignant question, “Are you sure it’s your heart that’s crushed, and not just your ego?” I totally dig this woman!! Here I am, bitching about my heart… And she sees right through it. She has become a very good friend in a very short time, and I have to say… She’s completely correct.
  My heart hurts, but only because my ego just went a round with a young Cassius Clay. I guess I had the notion that since I felt myself in love with this woman, that she felt the same way. Well you know what happens when you assume things. *brays like a jackass*
  There is also a quote about walking through the grass and watching out for snakes. Well, I tend to go running through the grass with a blindfold, while carrying a pair of scissors. I have no one to blame for the way I feel but myself. Too many of us blame things outside of our control. Well, all you can do in these situations is react.
  I reacted alright… My hand has been smashed to bits, I have cried and pissed and moaned… And where has it gotten me? Sitting here, writing this with a broken hand, and honestly no different than i was yesterday, save for the fact that I no longer get to look forward to seeing her. Life goes on.
  I have always been the type that can deal with physical pain way easier than that of the emotional type.  I can hide my emotions well when I choose, but as a writer, I find that hiding them, only stagnates my writing ability. This blow to my ego comes as no surprise to me. The ego, is a powerful part of our psyche, and causes us to do things sometimes that we didn’t think we would ever do. Including sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. :/ Well, no more feeling sorry for myself.
  I can’t waste any more time on that worthless emotion. All that’s going to do, Is hinder me and hold me back. So, here we go, back into the world. I might meet many women… I certainly hope so… Or I might not. We shall see.
  Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all.” Know what? She was right!! I had a great time with Liz, and I will miss her. But there are more women out there. Plenty of first kisses, moonlight walks, and great times to be had.
  Thank you S.A. For showing me what I should have seen, and giving me the kick in the ass that I needed. 😀
  Goodbye for now everyone. Hope you all have a great day. *big ol’ bear hugs*
 

Breath is hitching,
Lungs are burning,
Tears start streaming,
I’m sick of learning,
That I mean nothing,
In the eyes of lovers,
Bury my head,
Slump my shoulders,
Crawl away,
To a quiet place,
With broken hands,
My heart starts to race,
The blood starts to flow,
I strike out again,
Pain becomes my lover,
Until the end,
She is always there,
Never fails to impress,
Blood runs down my hand,
Like a crimson red dress,
I slow down and stop,
The knuckles are broke,
I fall down and cry,
My heart in my throat,
This is what happens,
To men who are good,
You find them battered and broken,
In the place they once stood.

Iambic Pentameter is a tough type of poetry. Each line contains 10 syllables. No more, no less. But on to of that, the the pattern has to go, unstressed, stressed syllables. I’d suggest looking it up, and try one out. We should always strive to learn new styles, and perfect the ones we know. It’s kind of difficult to write and follow all the rules. Here is my latest attempt. Hope you enjoy.

“Awakening”

Awakening is such a simple term
Most everyone goes through their life asleep
The early bird’s supposed to catch the worm
It saddens me at times and makes me weep

I am awake but fear my worm is gone
Crawled back inside because I was to late
I search and look and hope that I am wrong
The worm won’t come to me upon a plate

I roam and search and travel far and wide
Look high and low and everywhere I can
I seek, and find it living deep inside
I ponder what it means to be a man

To work long days and come home late at night
To think that you are somehow idolized
That kind of thinking simply isn’t right
The truth my friend is you’ve been hypnotized

Beliefs you thought created by yourself
A tragic case of unreality
Surround yourself with beauty and great wealth
Is not the way that it was meant to be

Here lies the truth in its most primal state
Unhappiness can spread just like a germ
I think I’ve found the answer here but wait
We’re not the bird, it’s us who are the worm.

In his hands,
he holds his fate.
Life or death,
is his to take.
He takes a stroll,
down memory lane.
Smiles at the pleasure,
cries at the pain.
He sees his children,
sees them cry.
“Why did my daddy,
have to die?”
His friends would be there,
mourning as well.
He seemed so happy,
but his life was like hell.
Never felt good enough,
always felt bad.
Laughing on the outside,
But inside he was sad.
He had so much,
to be happy for.
But he locked the latch,
when he closed the door.
They would find his body,
in the hills where he walked.
Everyone would remember,
every time they talked.
Full of great advice,
that he just couldn’t take.
Too bad he didn’t realize,
because now it’s too late.

  So i woke up in a good mood this morning. I didn’t go to the gym because, after a few hours of lacrosse with my younger son on Sunday, my legs are killing me. We spent our time working on juke moves, and my quads aren’t what they were before i broke my leg. So i went to the gym yesterday and put in 20 miles on the bike, but today is a no go.
  So getting ready for work, i threw on my shorts, because it’s supposed to be 96 degrees today… And the zipper broke. So i grabbed my other pair… The god damned zipper broke!! WTF?!
  Needless to say, i have no more shorts, so I’m wearing pants. I know it’s going to get busy today, and I’m not looking forward to it. My boss is going to be no help, and the owner is in Europe for two weeks at a trade show. I have a feeling that someone is going to get hurt if they step out of line today. I am normally a very controlled and calculating person. (not in the evil sense, but in a methodical way of just getting things done) but today, I’m hovering over my can of whoopass, just waiting to open it.
  Sorry to be such a downer this morning. I do have a lot of good things going on in my life as well, but for now… They are pushed to the back of my mind until my mood has improved.