Meditation


Do you believe in the metaphysical properties of things like gemstones, wood, herbs, and stuff like that?  Personally I do.  My father taught me about these things from a very young age, and although some people find it silly… I’m a firm believer in them.
There is a great web store owned by a woman who creates beautiful jewelry and oils to help you in your day to day life.  Her name is Tiffany, and she runs a store on Etsy that she created when she decided that she loved helping people, and had the ability to do so.  So she got the needed supplies and started building a place where she could sell her crafts.  Things like rings imbued with spirits to help guide you along your journey through life, pendants to help protect you from bad energy, oils that do many different things.

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I have known Tiffany for many years, and she is one of the most intelligent, kind, and caring individuals I have ever met.  She’s not selling these things just to make a buck.  She wants to help everyone she can.  I have a pendant that has helped me immensely, and I would recommend her shop to anyone that has a belief in these things.
Visit her shop, take a look, and if you see something you like… buy it.  You can also contact her and ask questions about the item you want to buy.  She is a walking encyclopedia about these things, and is always ready and willing to answer any questions you might have.  Here is the link to her site. 
http://www.etsy.com/people/alive4me0310
Take a look.  You never know… you might find something that you fancy. 🙂

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   I heard this song and found that it describes depression better than anything I’ve heard.
    Here are the lyrics in case you can’t understand them. I just hope that maybe this song helps you understand a bit what it’s like… but even this can’t fully describe it.

“Migraine”

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone

I’ve got a migraine
and my pain will range from up down and sideways
thank God it’s Friday
cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays
cause Sundays are my suicide days
I don’t know why they always seem so dismal
Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle
Whether it’s the weather or the letters by my bed
sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head

Let it be said what the headache represents
It’s me defending in suspense
It’s me suspended in a defenseless
test being tested by a ruthless examinant
that’s represented best by my depress…ing thoughts
I do not have writer’s block
my writer just hates the clock
it will not let me sleep, I’ll get some sleep when I’m dead
and sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone
But I know we’ve made it this far, kid
yeah, yeah, yeah

I am not as fine as I seem pardon
Me for yelling I’m telling you green gardens
are not what’s growing in my psyche
it’s a different me
a difficult to be, stop feasting lumber down trees
freeze frame
please let me paint a mental picture portrait
something you won’t forget, it’s all about my forehead
and now it is a door that holds back contents
that make Pandora’s box’s contents look non-violent

Behind my eyelids are islands of violence
my mind shipwrecked, this is the only land my mind could find
I did not know it was such a violent island
Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions
They’re trying to eat me, blood running down their chin
and I know that I can fight or I can let the lion win
I begin to assemble what weapons I can find
Cause sometimes to stay alive you got to kill your mind

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone
But I know we’ve made it this far, kid
yeah, yeah, yeah

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
from all the pain our brain has made
the game is not played alone
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it
and keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone
[Repeat]

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat
Shadows will scream that I’m alone
But I know we’ve made it this far, kid
We’ve made it this far, we’ve made it this far, kid
Yeah, yeah, yeah

  So… we all know I don’t make a bunch of money. Hell… who really does?! But I had quite the adventure in Povertyland yesterday.

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(Enjoying the beginning of Adventure Time)
  First, my bus didn’t show up. In fact… the first two buses didnt show up. Luckily, I discovered that my little sister wasn’t working, so she was able to give me a ride to work. I gave her part of my bus money, leaving me with enough to grab the trolley on the way home, and had enough for the next couple days.
    My boss, whom I commute with (After getting to his house via the bus) had some type of emergency with his gf and had to leave. He wasn’t able to make it back.
    The bus that I normally don’t have to take is more expensive. It takes you over the mountains, and back to my area. After having to catch that, I didn’t have enough money to catch the lightrail home. It’s about 10 miles. Mind you, I stand at work all day and my shoes are worn out.
    See where this is going? My sister asked to only be asked for rides in an emergency due to lack of funds. I didn’t deem this to be one.
  Off the bus finally at 7:00 p.m. I started walking. My journey started near the H.P. Pavilion.

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(Home of the San Jose Sharks, and former home of San Jose Stealth Lacrosse)
    There were many people on the path that I walked, but it was much nicer than walking through downtown. I had figured out the milage, and the path running next to the Guadalupe River was less than half a mile longer.
     I was feeling pretty good at this point, and was only moderately tired. There are lots of wild animals along the trail; and many dog walkers too. I saw some rabbits and stopped for a moment to thank the universe for such a cool sight. We don’t see many wild rabbits out here in San Jose.

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(I know it’s not a rabbit, but I didn’t get a pic of them)
    I continued my journey north as the sun started reaching the horizon. I was approaching my halfway point. The San Jose Mineta International Airport. I’ve seen airports, driven by them and all that… but I don’t know if you can appreciate the size unless you walk past one. It took about 45 minutes to walk past. I mean, I was right next to the thing. The short term parking was very pretty in the quickly fading light.

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(With the sun blocked by the building, I got a nice second shot)
    I continued onward… although my feet were starting to feel the effects of my journey. Lol.

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(It’s not poverty, it’s ventilation)
    I mentioned in my last post that I discovered geocaching. Well, I’m always checking the official site to see if anything is near. There were about five or six caches along the way. I skipped the ones in the beginning, but after dark had finally fallen, I couldn’t resist finding at least one. So I took about five minutes, found it, signed the log, and moved on. I couldn’t take a pic of the log sheet like I normally do. On my next journey through the area, I will have to grab a pic. 🙂 But here’s a shot of a sign log about the same size.

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(Writing that small is tough)
    Have you ever walked down the street at night? There’s something moderately scary about it. Well on the trail it gets real dark. You can hear animals crashing through the brush. You hear mysterious noises behind you and imagine it’s something awful. Only to turn around and discover that it’s only the sound of your backpack. Lol
    I was texting my best friend all the way home. She is my dearest friend. She’s on the east coast, but insisted on staying awake until I arrived home safely at about 1:30 a.m. her time.
    I had to stop texting at one point around 9:00 because as I looked up from my phone and my eyes adjusted to the dark, there was a skunk walking across my path. That could have been a disaster. Lol

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(Wish I had a camera instead of my phone. This was beautiful)
    The final mile took about 45 minutes. My eyes were blurry and my mind was foggy because I hadn’t eaten since the night before. Ever experience hypoglycemia? It sucks. But thanks to the fact that I’ve been in that position before… and I used to party a lot as a teen… it was nothing I couldn’t handle.

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(One for the sports fans. Levi Stadium, future home of the S.F. 49ers.)
    Crossing the final street with about a half mile to go, a car decided he wasn’t going to wait for this pedestrian to cross before turning. I know he saw me, because he honked at about the same time I felt the wind from his side mirror. After a long day, I lost control. I saw him look at me through the driver side window as this all happened. I yelled, “That’s right!! Keep driving asshole” He was about 50 yards away when he hit the brakes, “This is it” I thought, “If this dude gets out of his car with anything but a, “”sorry”” I’m gonna put his head into the pavement.” I threw my arms out and yelled, “Fuck you!!!” I guess he decided he didn’t want any, because he sped off.
    When I got home, my feet were so sore, that it didn’t even feel good to take off my shoes. I said hi to my uncle, (who gave my his last few bucks for the bus) made a sandwich and some top ramen, and passed out.
    A quick note for those that know the San Jose area. I started walking at Diridon Station by H.P. Pavilion, and my house is near 1st and Tasman. Lol
    Thank you Blue, for staying up to make sure I got home safe. You are truly a great friend! *hugs*

Geocaching:  The outdoor sport or game of searching for hidden objects by using Global Positioning System (GPS) Coordinates posted on the internet.
I’ve known about this for a long time, but always passed it off as a dorky thing to do.  Who the hell wants to go out and find a box of crap, only to sign a log and leave?!  Well, recently I heard about it again and started thinking it might be fun.  I started researching a bit, discovered the rules, and decided that this morning I would take my young son with me and find one.  I registered on Geocache.com and got everything ready.  Did a search within five miles of my area and discovered that there are about 650 caches in that radius. 

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I was amazed!!  So I found one close and decided that before my son and I went rollerblading, we would go find it.  Now, I can’t give anything away about the positioning of the cache in case someone in my area reads this.  That would totally take away the thrill of the search… but I will explain what I can. 
We awoke and prepared for the journey in the earlyish morning light.  My son was excited at the prospect of what we would find.  We were total cache virgins, and didn’t really know what to expect. We grabbed our backpacks, some water, and headed out into the day.  The cache was only about a half a mile away.  I downloaded a program that kind of goes along with geocaching.com and allows me to view the cache on a live time map, radar, or static map.  We chose radar.  It was great!! 

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It was like playing a real life video game.  Following a blip on the radar until we got close enough to find it.  We came upon the area where it was and I shut the radar down.  We kind of knew the area… hell, I had been by it many times in the last few years, never knowing it was there.  There had been a hint within the posting that said, “Walk in and look up.”  We did just that.
Tristan spotted it first.  He was so excited.  A small Tupperware container rested in the area.  We took it out, and sat down to open it.  Here are the internals.

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Tris was way into all the little trinkets, even though I explained that today we would be taking nothing.  If you take something, you must leave something in return.  I was more interested in looking at the logbook.  It turns out that the first signing was 08/05/09.  Almost four years to the day when we found it.  Someone even found it yesterday.  I had seen the log online.  It just blows my mind.  So many people have been here, at different times, and we all have this in common.
So after we took some photos, and put the unit back, we were supposed to go rollerblading.  (I’m in the process of teaching my son how to blade)  But I asked my son, “Hey, there’s another one not far from here.  Wanna go find it?”  He agreed and off we went. 
One of the things I find are that it’s the adventure that’s important.  As we were walking down the street we found this tree.  Tris laughed so hard he almost fell over.

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So we approach the next cache via radar and start looking.  I became super excited because Tris passed the cache and I found it.  The clue had been, “Tree low, sweet chariot.”  We opened it up and found the log, and one tiny little trinket.

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We signed it and replaced and headed off to go rollerblading.  It was a great day, and I’m very happy about the caches.  As I posted on the website when I listed the finds… A lot of times as a divorcee, I feel like a failure as a father.  But the people who place these things give us a chance to bond with, not only humanity… but our children as well.
If I can give you one piece of advice… go geocaching.  It’s great fun, and you can kill a bit of time.
Have a great day everyone.  Luv ya all.

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The room is dimly lit.
Coming down from another acid trip.
Parents in the room next to mine,
they have no clue.
This is the time to dream.
Happy thoughts filling my head,
of wonderful things to come.
I’m gonna be somebody,
I’m gonna do something.
Walking by that same house,
almost 20 years later,
I wonder…
Is someone in there dreaming?
Fantasies of a great future,
many friends, great job.
We go through this life,
with big plans.
But sometimes friends get lost,
Sometimes…
Dreams die.

Nonsensical mutterings,
Screaming at the voices,
A desolate wasteland,
Of discarded beer bottles,
Cigarette butts and trash.
Along with discarded dreams,
Aspirations and people,
I watch them sleep,
On cold concrete,
What promise they once held,
Destroyed by circumstance,
I sit with them and listen,
To the stories they weave,
Such intelligence and humbleness,
One would do well,
To listen to their advice,
All gone now,
Quiet,
I’m waiting for my bus

Hey everyone. It’s been awhile since I posted. I’ve been going through a lot lately. Just before the lacrosse season ended, I was told that my ex wife was looking for job opportunities in Australia… and my 8 year old son wanted to go. I knew two things in that moment. I could say no, and hold it up in court for 10 years, or I could allow it to happen.
  I ran these options through my head for weeks. I talked with my ex, her parents, (whom i love dearly) and my son. I know it will kill me to be that far away from him, but can I really deny him this opportunity? In the end, the answer is that I cannot deny him. He has an opportunity to see a part of the world that I have always wanted to see. And he has a chance to experience the world.
  They will be gone for two years. Then, after they return, she will be looking for work in Ireland. I have looked into the possibility of moving there to be close to my son (as my older son was actually my stepson, and he is moving far away with his real dad) but, without a degree… Most other countries won’t let you in for more than a visit. On a travel/vacation visit, it is illegal to work or earn money. So I guess that plan is out of the window… for now.
    Then, my best friend, who’s car I have been borrowing, since i can’t afford my own, decided that he needs it back because his other car is broken down. I can’t be too upset… it is his car after all. But now I’m kind of in a lurch. He still drives me to work, but I hop the bus to his house in the mornings. So instead of leaving at seven a.m. I leave at 10 to six. I get to his house, and we ride to work at about 8:30. Then on the way home, he drops me off at a trolly station, and I hop on that and get home.
    So now, I’m facing life without the option to see my kids whenever I want. (A tough thing for a father that is very active in his children’s lives. Hell, the day I broke my leg, I still drove to pick them up for the weekend…. 6 hours after breaking it.)  I have no more vehicle. (Although, if the ladies ask, I got rid of the car to be more green. 😉 lol)
…. I have let this writing sit for about a week now. In that time, I have had a lot of time to think. I had forgotten what it was like to slow down, take a walk, and just appreciate your surroundings. The first thing that happened was, I needed to get somewhere that the buses don’t travel. I thought about how I was going to accomplish this feat. I’ve had a vehicle for so long that I had almost forgotten how to get around without it. I had to go get a money order to pay rent. The closest place for me to do that, is 4 miles away. I had already been up early, taken my son to school on the bus, gone downtown to pay some taxes for my uncle, (totaling about 4 miles walking already) and made it almost home. “How would you have done this as a teen?” I asked myself. I debated going home and grabbing either my rollerblades or skateboard, which have been sitting unused since I broke my leg in 2010. I decided I would just walk. As teens, we used to walk everywhere. Now we jump in our car and go wherever. I was gone from the house most of the day, but in the end, I had walked 12 miles and accomplished everything I had set out to do. I also got to take my time, and actually enjoy seeing my neighborhood at walking speed, rather than whizzing by at 60mph.
  I have had a few other adventures, but this post is long enough already. I plan to start a series called Adventure Time, discussing the adventures I have while navigating this world with no vehicle… Stay tuned. 😉

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