Poetry


Alone I sat, in my mentally made cell.
Why was I there, in that self created hell.
Thinking back to school, and my days of dope.
Foot by foot, rolling out the damn rope.
Hallucinogens were my rope, meth my noose.
Heroin in the needle, would have been my cooked goose.
One day in April, in the year ’99,
I awoke, did my prep, and did my last line.
I looked in the mirror, deep into my eyes.
I’m not am addict? Bullshit! No more lies!
I have stomped a mans head, into a curb.
He only mouthed off, something he didn’t deserve.
I broke my glass pipe, and then walked away.
No hospital detox, not even N.A.
17 years, this wagon’s been on this ride.
Not one relapse or slip up, I say this with pride.
For many years I sat, staring at my cell floor.
In the end, it was up to me, to walk out the door.

**17 years ago today I decided to get clean. I hear people browbeat others when they say they have only been clean for one week or one month and it upsets me. The truth is, we all start at day one. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you aren’t good enough, or haven’t been sober long enough to be respected for the amount of time you have been sober. Be proud of your accomplishments, and stick with it. One day you’ll look back at all that time, and your use will be a distant memory.**

Advertisements

As I lay down again
At the end of the day
You’re in the next room
And everything’s okay
You’re curled up in bed
And I’m here in mine
Don’t worry beautiful
Everything will be fine
I long to hold you
Feel your head on my chest
Feel you so close
As we get some rest
I hear your rhythmic breathing
As we fall into sleepĀ 
Feel your hand in mine
As we’re counting sheep
One day it shall be
That we’ll hold each other at night
And in that very moment
You’ll know everything is alright

image

Shackles of the world,
Hold you by the ankles.
You started so strong,
Until those skeletal fingers,
Wrapped themselves around you.
Tripped up,
Like laces tied.
You fall upon your face.
The claws of the creature start to attack.
Alone, broken, pain.
No one to help.
You decide to give up.
Look at you now,
Struggling, hurting,
in the hospital.
Can you see that you aren’t alone?
You never were.
Tried to be,
but some people won’t be pushed away.
You need change.
Need to fly right.
Get right with your God,
Because you might not make it out.
But until that happens,
I am here.

I wrote this on the morning of the fourth, as I sat next to the hospital bed of my father’s brother whom I’ve been taking care of for the last few years. He died shortly before 7 pm on January 4 2014.
I’ll spare you the details. We’ll just say that it was a rough death. I don’t have it in me to go over the whole story at the moment, (perhaps later) but I will say this; No other family was there. My ex wife came so I didn’t have to deal with this all alone. And I am very thankful for that.
He’s no longer in pain, and that’s good… but he’s left a hole in my life. Its never easy to lose someone, but we have to remember that life does go on… and time helps heal.
Have a good day everyone, and don’t forget to tell your loved ones how much you care… You might not get another chance.

image

In early morning hours

Covered in smoky mist
And small bits of frost
No one sees it lying alone
The cold hardens

But there is still hope
Reality is a different ballgame
Eastern breezes carry me away
Another day goes by
The sun sets again
Help me to live
Everything stays the same

image

He walks along unlit paths,
Lost deep inside his thoughts.
Memories and images,
Cut him down like shots.
Ghostly swirls of mist,
Fill the space that he walks through.
Fears then come invade his mind,
He wonders about the truth.
Is he really broken,
or is it just the easy way.
To never have to utter,
The words he wants to say.
So many times in life,
He takes a backseat.
Because it’s easier to never try,
than end up in retreat.
So he makes a choice,
And prays that it is right.
And hopefully he’ll get some sleep,
Instead of lying awake all night.

image

He wakes before dawn
Showers and puts his clothes on
Sits and checks the news
Searching this small world for clues
Searching reasons for his existence
The gate to death reading “No Admittance”
So he rises up and heads out the door
Wondering what the hell he does this for
Feet walk down the darkened street
He gets on the bus and takes a seat
Headed to work for another long day
A shitty job with shitty pay
Off the bus he watches the traffic
He starts to walk, its automatic
Tires screech and horns start to blare
He hears them all but doesn’t care
His body is broken and thrown to the ground
Smiling serenely without making a sound
Blood starts to pool where his head hit the floor
He doesn’t have to worry anymore

image

His heart grows heavy,
As his shadow grows long.
Sitting all alone,
Listening to a sad song.
Clutching the hand,
He broke against the wall.
He relishes the pain,
He doesn’t mind at all.
Circling the whirlpool,
Of this downward spiral.
His brain is rotting,
It’s certainly viral.
Not wanting to live,
But not wanting to die.
Not wanting to laugh,
Or love or cry.
But he cries in the darkness,
And laughs in the rain.
But more importantly,
He loves all the pain

Next Page »