So… we all know I don’t make a bunch of money. Hell… who really does?! But I had quite the adventure in Povertyland yesterday.

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(Enjoying the beginning of Adventure Time)
  First, my bus didn’t show up. In fact… the first two buses didnt show up. Luckily, I discovered that my little sister wasn’t working, so she was able to give me a ride to work. I gave her part of my bus money, leaving me with enough to grab the trolley on the way home, and had enough for the next couple days.
    My boss, whom I commute with (After getting to his house via the bus) had some type of emergency with his gf and had to leave. He wasn’t able to make it back.
    The bus that I normally don’t have to take is more expensive. It takes you over the mountains, and back to my area. After having to catch that, I didn’t have enough money to catch the lightrail home. It’s about 10 miles. Mind you, I stand at work all day and my shoes are worn out.
    See where this is going? My sister asked to only be asked for rides in an emergency due to lack of funds. I didn’t deem this to be one.
  Off the bus finally at 7:00 p.m. I started walking. My journey started near the H.P. Pavilion.

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(Home of the San Jose Sharks, and former home of San Jose Stealth Lacrosse)
    There were many people on the path that I walked, but it was much nicer than walking through downtown. I had figured out the milage, and the path running next to the Guadalupe River was less than half a mile longer.
     I was feeling pretty good at this point, and was only moderately tired. There are lots of wild animals along the trail; and many dog walkers too. I saw some rabbits and stopped for a moment to thank the universe for such a cool sight. We don’t see many wild rabbits out here in San Jose.

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(I know it’s not a rabbit, but I didn’t get a pic of them)
    I continued my journey north as the sun started reaching the horizon. I was approaching my halfway point. The San Jose Mineta International Airport. I’ve seen airports, driven by them and all that… but I don’t know if you can appreciate the size unless you walk past one. It took about 45 minutes to walk past. I mean, I was right next to the thing. The short term parking was very pretty in the quickly fading light.

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(With the sun blocked by the building, I got a nice second shot)
    I continued onward… although my feet were starting to feel the effects of my journey. Lol.

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(It’s not poverty, it’s ventilation)
    I mentioned in my last post that I discovered geocaching. Well, I’m always checking the official site to see if anything is near. There were about five or six caches along the way. I skipped the ones in the beginning, but after dark had finally fallen, I couldn’t resist finding at least one. So I took about five minutes, found it, signed the log, and moved on. I couldn’t take a pic of the log sheet like I normally do. On my next journey through the area, I will have to grab a pic. 🙂 But here’s a shot of a sign log about the same size.

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(Writing that small is tough)
    Have you ever walked down the street at night? There’s something moderately scary about it. Well on the trail it gets real dark. You can hear animals crashing through the brush. You hear mysterious noises behind you and imagine it’s something awful. Only to turn around and discover that it’s only the sound of your backpack. Lol
    I was texting my best friend all the way home. She is my dearest friend. She’s on the east coast, but insisted on staying awake until I arrived home safely at about 1:30 a.m. her time.
    I had to stop texting at one point around 9:00 because as I looked up from my phone and my eyes adjusted to the dark, there was a skunk walking across my path. That could have been a disaster. Lol

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(Wish I had a camera instead of my phone. This was beautiful)
    The final mile took about 45 minutes. My eyes were blurry and my mind was foggy because I hadn’t eaten since the night before. Ever experience hypoglycemia? It sucks. But thanks to the fact that I’ve been in that position before… and I used to party a lot as a teen… it was nothing I couldn’t handle.

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(One for the sports fans. Levi Stadium, future home of the S.F. 49ers.)
    Crossing the final street with about a half mile to go, a car decided he wasn’t going to wait for this pedestrian to cross before turning. I know he saw me, because he honked at about the same time I felt the wind from his side mirror. After a long day, I lost control. I saw him look at me through the driver side window as this all happened. I yelled, “That’s right!! Keep driving asshole” He was about 50 yards away when he hit the brakes, “This is it” I thought, “If this dude gets out of his car with anything but a, “”sorry”” I’m gonna put his head into the pavement.” I threw my arms out and yelled, “Fuck you!!!” I guess he decided he didn’t want any, because he sped off.
    When I got home, my feet were so sore, that it didn’t even feel good to take off my shoes. I said hi to my uncle, (who gave my his last few bucks for the bus) made a sandwich and some top ramen, and passed out.
    A quick note for those that know the San Jose area. I started walking at Diridon Station by H.P. Pavilion, and my house is near 1st and Tasman. Lol
    Thank you Blue, for staying up to make sure I got home safe. You are truly a great friend! *hugs*

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  I am no stranger to feeling like a worthless piece of shit. It doesn’t matter how many people tell me I’m not, my brain refuses to accept it. I went to work while in high school. I continued working after. I realized, that with shitty high school grades, and no chance of a scholarship, college would not be happening for me. Then I got married to a wonderful woman with a son, and we had another one a few years later, so I have two sons. (I’m going to stop you here because I can hear your eyes rolling, “If you have kids, and treat them well, you aren’t worthless.”) Shut it, this its my tale to tell, and for once in my dammed life, I will be listened to. I’m tired of being cut off and not getting to tell my tale when speaking in person. So i tell it here. Don’t like it? There’s the door.
  So then eventually my wife threw me out. Boozing, abuse, cheating, drugs??? No. We were 27 and not living in a house yet… That was her fucking reason. So out the door I went with her foot in my ass.
  So, 27 with two kids to support and no education… I’m fucked. I never have enough food in the house, but since I’m still fat, no one believes me about that one. I have to borrow money for gas every week just to get to work, which is 36 miles away and over a mountain so i can’t really ride a bike there. (not that i have one to ride)
  Let’s get to today. My nieces bday party. My bro spends a lot of money on his daughter for her bdays. So we’re at a shindig that cost a lot. The kids had a great time. Then pizza. “Hey bear, want some?”
    “Na, I’m not hungry” translation: seeing the food makes me hungry enough, if i eat a piece, I’ll be starving.
  Next… cake, “Hey bear, want some?”
    “Na, I’m ok” same translation.
  Then came presents. Now my bro always gets gift bags for all the kids attending. This time however it was, “ok, who was this gift from dear? Ok, give them a gift bag” He knew i wouldn’t have a gift for her, considering i couldn’t even afford a gift for my son 21 days before. I felt humiliated, even tho they gave my boy a gift bag. (after everyone else had seen that we didn’t give a gift)
  So there i was, leaving with my sons hand in mine, duct tape holding my shoes together, feeling like an utter failure in life and my bro says, “hey, wanna go hiking tomorrow after the kids go to school?”
  My response, “I don’t fucking care bro. Whatever. I’ll text you or something. Take it easy.” I don’t know if I’m going to go. I really don’t fell like it at the moment.
  Now I’m sitting here, my son is eating his dinner, we are chatting. He had a great day, and for that I’m happy. It doesn’t matter how much i feel like a useless piece of shit, my son looks at me like I’m a hero. One day he will realize, I’m certainly no hero, just a dad, struggling in the world and trying his best to be a good father.
  I’m not looking for attention, recognition, or for anyone to click the like button on this one. I just needed to get this off my chest before I grow more sick of myself than i already am.
Goodnight